In the world of neuroscience, life is about circuits. Whatever wire happens to be activated controls us. So, our most incredible healing moment is not when we rewire one of those lightweight allostatic wires of Brain States 3 and 4, but when we trounce the full-blown stress response wires – the Brain State 5 circuit.
Right now, I’m preparing to embark on the trip of a lifetime to be with my daughter Haley at the opening of her one-person museum show in Florence. Her father will be there, and the occasion for healing and celebration feels heaven-sent. The only trouble is that after three episodes of health problems in the last year, each of which was life-threatening, I’m still not well. And all my preparations to be well for this trip have fallen short. After not having the strength I expected to walk the neighborhood this morning, I hit a 5+++.
The solution? Spiral Up!
Fortunately, as an EBTer, I knew just what to do: ask for help. These wires take the thinking brain (PFC) offline, and it is that brain that orchestrates rewiring. Getting some “self-regulatory strength” from another person helps tremendously as we evolved to depend upon borrowing the brain functioning of another person in times of overload.
I asked my husband, Walt, to listen to me do a Cycle. We have a standing rule in our marriage that we honor these requests and probably Cycle together three to four times per week.
He said, “Of course.”
So, sitting on the sofa with Walt across the coffee table from me in his white chair, I began. The Cycle was helpful but not transformative. (In EBT, we always go for transformative, as the emotional brain can do that!) Walt gave me a Connecting Message that was within the structure of the technique, but he was now at Brain State 5, too, and neither of us was transformed.
Not to be deterred (“Don’t stop until you pop.”), after pausing for a few moments, I launched into a second Cycle, using the Bliss Factor in mind. This technique amplifies the dissonance between the pain caused by the unreasonable expectation (the old wire) and the thought of the joy activated by the reasonable expectation (the new wire).
For example, if the old wire with the boost of the “Ick Factor” tells us I get my existence from people pleasing to the point that I destroy my health and erase all authenticity in my relationships, and the new wire is I get my existence from connecting to myself and giving love stopping short of neglecting or abusing myself, by adding the Bliss Factor, the brain awakens a drive to erase that wire. The dissonance is so great, and the new expectation so rewarding that it feels like rewiring is the only sensible pathway forward. The Bliss Factor phrase might be . . . to the point that I transcend my own body and am in love with myself, the spiritual, and life itself.
Creativity is needed in the construction of this statement, and a willingness to release overcontrol, connect with the deeper meanings and opportunities of life, then feel the glow of spiritual bliss.
Adding the Bliss Factor
My Cycle was limping along. I was marching through the 23 steps of the resilience pathway, aware that Walt was being a loving presence, patient and caring. Yet, when I started spiraling up through negating and then ridiculing the old expectation, I remained curious with some degree of joyful anticipation that I was about to bolt on the Bliss Factor. I knew I needed that.
So, I came to the transcend statement and said, I get my existence from connecting to the deepest part of myself, surrendering to the will of the spiritual, letting go of overcontrol, and doing everything I can to make each moment I have like heaven on earth, and feeling fully prepared that when I am gone, I will soar up into the clouds that are heaven-sent.
At that, I burst out laughing with joy. All my fears, those stuck feelings of powerlessness and depression – they were gone. Walt gave me a Connecting Message from a Brain State 1, and together, emotionally sober but grounded in higher purpose, we restarted our day.
