Have you ever left a conversation feeling unsure, guilty, or questioning your own reality? Emotional manipulation occurs more than most people know, and it can slip quietly into undermining your confidence, joy, and even your sense of self. From the partner, friend, family member, or co-worker, manipulators deploy an array of strategies to control, confuse, and undermine others. Knowing what these behaviors are is the key to safeguarding yourself and creating better relationships. Let’s count down the 10 most hurtful emotional manipulation techniques you should be aware of.
10. Testing Boundaries
Manipulators enjoy testing boundaries simply to determine how far they can go. They may ignore your demands, habitually overstep boundaries you’ve established, or continually ask for “one more favor.” If this ongoing testing continues, it can leave you feeling stressed and uncertain where you stand. According to a therapist who works with couples and families, boundary testing is a conscious attempt to chip away at your sense of security and make it more difficult for you to establish your needs.
9. Acting Helpless
Ever see someone who suddenly “forgets” how to do simple things or incessantly asks for assistance with something they’re more than capable of doing on their own? This is feigned helplessness, and it’s a subtle way to get others to do the work. Manipulators employ this to shirk responsibility, foster dependency, and make you feel responsible for saving them. You may find yourself doing more and more for them while they do less and less over time.
8. Deflection and Switchtracking
When faced with their own ugly behavior, manipulators excel at deflection. Rather than responding to your complaints, they may introduce a mention of your previous errors or divert the discussion onto an entirely different subject. This maneuver, called deflection or switchtracking, makes you feel bewildered and irritated, and the initial point of contention remains unsolved. As explained by a therapist, this verbal magic trick is intended to avoid responsibility and keep you guessing.
7. Withholding (Information and Love)
Manipulators usually withhold significant information, affection, or resources from you as a means of control. Perhaps they “forget” to inform you of a meeting, withhold compliments or affection, or employ the silent treatment as a form of punishment. This instills confusion and dependency on you, where you feel like you are continually chasing their approval or attempting to figure out what you did wrong. Withholding is a typical power play that can erode your self-esteem gradually.
6. Playing on Insecurities
We all have weaknesses, and manipulators know how to spot and exploit them. They may recall your past defeats, compare you unfavorably to others, or subtly chip away at your self-esteem. By playing on your weaknesses, they make you apprehensive and reliant on their validation. You may begin to feel you’re lucky to have them, even if they treat you miserably.
5. Playing Dumb for Advantage
Playing dumb is another favorite ploy. Manipulators play dumb or pretend they don’t know to deflect responsibility or to avoid doing what they don’t want to do. This can be infuriating when you know they can do it, but are simply deflecting accountability. Playing dumb has been described by a therapist as a means to frustrate others and avoid consequences.
4. Shaming
Shaming entails making one feel inferior, inadequate, or embarrassed—usually in front of others. Whether it’s your partner putting down your capabilities or your boss humiliating you in a meeting, shaming is designed to lower your self-esteem and remind you of your place. Chronic shaming over time can strip away your sense of worth and make you more submissive to the approval of the manipulator.
3. Exaggeration
Manipulators enjoy blowing things out of proportion. Perhaps they state that a minor error will have disastrous outcomes or assert that no one has ever been treated as poorly as you have been. Exaggeration is employed to induce anxiety, pressure, and urgency, causing you to give in more easily to their demands. According to a couples and family therapist, exaggeration is a manipulation tactic to obtain leverage and control.
2. Denial and Gaslighting
Gaslighting is among the most manipulative of all manipulative behaviors. The manipulator denies something they said or did, causing you to doubt your own memory and perceptions. They may tell you that things never occurred, or that you’re “overreacting” or “too sensitive.” Gaslighting, over time, can make you feel disoriented, anxious, and unable to believe your own eyes and ears. Denial frequently goes together with gaslighting since manipulators will not accept any wrongdoing, even when presented with overwhelming proof. WebMD states that gaslighting is an action taken to confuse you and get you doubting your reality.
1. Guilt-Tripping
Taking the top spot is guilt-tripping, a strategy that is engaged in playing on your responsibility and wanting to be a good person. Manipulators employ such sentences as “After all I’ve done for you…” or “If you really loved me, you would…” to guilt-trip you into feeling guilty for standing up for your needs or saying no. Guilt-tripping is created to get you to prioritize their needs over your own at the cost of your own well-being. According to the Calm Blog, guilt-tripping is a kind of emotional manipulation that employs guilt in controlling others. With time, this will build up and cause resentment, frustration, and loss of trust in the relationship.
Recognizing these strategies is the beginning of escaping their hold. If you’re finding yourself baffled, uneasy, or perpetually doubting yourself in a relationship, it may be time to examine more closely what’s going on. Establishing boundaries, reaching out for help, and trusting your own intuition are potent means of restoring your emotional health and creating stronger, more genuine relationships.
