Laughing does more than brighten a mood—it can unite couples, relax tension, and create memories that last a lifetime. Humor fosters connection in a way that few other forces can, making relationships stronger and more enduring. Consider 7 ways that humor can strengthen your relationship.
7. Converting Tense Moments into Playful Ones
Start with one of the most underappreciated superpowers of humor: its power to turn tension into connection. Couples who can laugh together at tense or uncomfortable situations are more apt to recover from an argument and maintain their connection intact. As Rachel Glik, Ed.D., LPC, puts it, “Allowing yourself to be goofy also can extend into seeking out the humor in the uncomfortable or difficult times.
Use silly movements or laugh at yourselves when you begin to button-push each other.”. This has the potential to transform an almost-fight into high spirits and enjoyment. Couples who opt to tease each other about the ridiculousness of life’s challenges—such as preparing for a colonoscopy together—convert bad experiences into mutual comedy, fostering strength and closeness.
6. Establishing a Welcoming Atmosphere for Laughter
Stress and tension are the worst enemies of humor. To have more laughter in your relationship, it is helpful to build an atmosphere in which both partners feel comfortable and receptive. Rachel Glik suggests the “Pause, Breathe, Relax” micro-mindfulness practice to allow couples entry into that portion of their brain that enables jokes to come and land with a laugh.
Smiling more frequently, anticipating laughter, and linking your relationship with play cues all prepare you for spontaneous joy. Even the anticipation of laughter before you lay eyes on your partner can tilt your awareness towards lightheartedness, so that every moment is fertile ground for fun.
5. Positive vs. Negative Humor Styles
Humor isn’t all created equal. Empirical research indicates that positive humor—such as playful teasing, jokes shared between insiders, and self-maintenance humor—builds bonds and boosts relationship satisfaction. Conversely, negative humor—sarcasm, ridicule, or aggressive joking—undermines trust and fosters emotional distance. As defined by Courageous Couples Counseling, “Positive humor, like teasing jokes that everyone can laugh at (affiliative humor) or maintaining a cheerful outlook on life (self-enhancing humor), unites partners and builds their relationship.”. Conversely, negative humor, like putting a person down (aggressive humor) or constantly being the punchline yourself (self-defeating humor), erodes relationship satisfaction.” The secret to it is using humor wisely—relieve tension without deflecting or putting down.
4. The Neuroscience of Laughter and Emotional Intimacy
Laughter isn’t just entertaining—it’s a brain booster. When couples share a laugh, their brains release endorphins, activating pleasure centers and inducing a shared feeling of joy. This has the impact of amplifying emotional intimacy, dismantling barriers of self-protection, and allowing partners to feel safe enough to open up. Laughter is an emotional bridge, per Courageous Couples Counseling, which allows partners to become resilient and trusting. These common moments of laughter surround relationships in a bubble of optimism, helping to ride out the storms of life more easily.
3. Creating Inside Jokes and Rituals
Inside jokes and humorous rituals are the couple’s secret language. They’re little gems—group secrets that add substance and humor to the relationship. Rachel Glik’s 84-year-old mother illustrates laughter in her marriage as “more intimate, like our own little secret.” Whether it’s a laugh at dinner time, a silly saying, or a goofy text, these inside jokes become beacons in a time of stress. Recalling humor-filled memories, such as the time your child dressed up in a ridiculous costume, can bring belly laughs back right away and solidify your connection, even after decades.
2. Shared Laughter Predicts Closeness and Satisfaction
The science is in: couples who laugh together, remain together. Psychologist Laura E. Kurtz’s research on 71 couples in romantic relationships discovered that partners who shared a higher percentage of laughs reported feelings of being closer, feeling safer, and generally more satisfied with their relationships. They felt more passionate and that heady in-love feeling, as well.
As Rachel Glik states, “Couples who had more laughter experiences were more likely to report a stronger sense of closeness, feeling safe in their partner’s care, and general satisfaction in the relationship.” Shared laughter is an indicator of intimacy, yet it is also something that can be actively developed, even if it has not been a particular strength previously.
1. Using Humor as a Repair Tool in Relationships
Emotionally intelligent couples share an inside joke: humor. Dr. Gottman’s study separates couples into “masters” and “disasters,” with the masters employing repair attempts—words or gestures that keep negativity from spiraling out of control. Humor is a potent repair technique, in Dr. Gottman’s opinion. It can reduce the tension level of a fight, shatter the apartness between you and your partner, and remind you that you’re human.” A well-timed inside joke or bit of good-natured teasing can redirect attention away from fighting and toward shared ‘we-ness.” Humor, though, should be balanced with earnestness—sarcastic or put-down jokes can fail, exacerbating conflict rather than mending it.
So, whether you’re retelling funny memories, creating inside jokes, or simply choosing to laugh at life’s absurdities together, humor is one of the most powerful tools for building a happy, resilient relationship.
